keep your day job

As the economy worsens, it seems that some people start looking at alternatives: bartering, sweepstakes or, more desparately, shoplifting, ponzi schemes, bank robberies, etc. Regarding some of the more elicit forms employment, it also seems that there are newbies trying to break into the field, not professionals nor those that have been doing it for a while and have perfected their trade.

We're talking about amatuers. Here are a few recent examples:

• Suspected bank robber eats evidence though a gun and dyed cash were found in his vehicle
• Teens tape themselves stealing Christmas gifts and get caught by the same said tape
• Another bank robber leaves his wallet, along with his ID, at the scene of the crime
• Some one breaks into a house, doesn't steal anything but decorates it instead
• Pot growers decide the best place to grow their crop is in a warehouse behind the local police station

Newbies, keep your day jobs or the prison system just might help you find a more viable alternate.

pipeline sequence

Interesting article in a back issue of the Sydney Morning Herald about a trout farm mysteriously losing schools of trout, cause unknown until photographer Dennis Bright caught the exodus on film.

Seems like an easy enough problem to fix - either screen the end or camouflage with a giant heron head:

relish the thought

Went to the nearby grocery to replenish a dwindling supply of sweet relish. The condiments were well stocked, taking half of the shelving in an aisle close to the store's entry. As well stocked as it was, with an ample selection of mayonnaise, mustards, barbeque and hot sauces, there was no relish to be found. I re-scanned each offering carefully, to make sure that I hadn't missed it as many containers - lids on the bottom, the latest trend for viscous condiments - are the same size and shape. It was confirmed that no form of relish was to be found in the condiments section.

After a couple of serpentine scans through all of the aisles, I chanced upon a wide variety of relish on the opposite end of the store, in the canned and/or bottled vegetables section. Once there, I quickly found the desired variety of sweet relish. After getting back home, I had to check to make sure I knew what "condiment" meant. "Something used to enhance the flavor of food ; especially : a pungent seasoning," sounded about right and "relish" did seem to qualify. Oddly enough, when looking up "relish", it cross-references directly back to "condiment".

While I was living in Japan and couldn't read any of the labels, I had to rely on the contextual placement and shapes of related goods to wade through the language barrier. I often thought of what a passive-aggressive grocer might do for amusement at the expense of tourists - place the hemorrhoid cream next to the toothbrushes? Nair next to the shampoos? The possibilities are endless.